I was surprised to log on and see that my last post was back in February. Sorry to the two or three of you that check this thing.
Truthfully…the days have been passing quickly, but time seems still. It’s weird. I have been re-introducing myself to music therapy. At least, that is what I call it. I feel as if I stepped outside myself a long time ago, and while I walk through each day…there was part of me left way back there…and I am trying to spend a lot of time re-acquainting myself with that girl again.
I have picked up my guitar on a consistent basis for the first time in five years. I am having to relearn how to play…I am building up those calluses on my fingers again. I feel like a baby player. My fingers ache and hurt and sometimes almost bleed from the strings…but I know the pain will subside soon enough and it will feel like second nature again. I need the second nature feeling back in order to write again. And this, is my ultimate goal.
I have spent time reading, writing (for myself), and spending time with the part of me that I never realized I left so long ago. It’s sobering when you realize how much time has passed. How things have changed. How I have changed…and yes, even that part of me…that girl I left a long time ago…she has changed a bit too. It feels good to have her back, but I know that I also must get to know her again. There is so much hidden..so much hurt from being left…and it will be quite the task to reconcile that girl with the other parts of me that did move on and walk through each day and change without her.
So..that being said…I feel as if this blog will be shifting towards the “Living Life” part rather than the “Food” part…and I was tempted at first to change the name of it…but being that I can’t do that with out MUCH difficulty due to the web address…I will leave it the same for now. If I decide to combine all my posts into one blog (as I have a couple of old ones as well) I will try to title it accordingly and move all the posts over for an archive of some sort. I am sure you will still continue to see posts here and there about food, being that it is such a HUGE part of my life…of everyone’s life really…but I may be focusing more on the internal parts of life. The things I learn, the things I see, experience, and as scary as it is…the things I feel.
Winds of change are blowing my direction…and it’s scary, and exciting, and really really scary. Tears will fall. Hearts will break. Scars will surface. Exhaustion will set it. I will give up. And then…growth.
Thinkin of ya Heat. I read this last night in the wee hours when I couldn’t sleep… and then I couldn’t sleep for thinkin about it! ha!
I’m glad to hear you are playing again- that’s one of my images of you from school… you sittin on the edge of someone’s bed, in your soccer shorts, with some kind of bracelet made from yarn or something, your hair tucked behind your ear, and I can vividly remember how you would like lean over the guitar plunking something out, and I remember how crazy you were over Jennifer Knapp’s (sp?) music, and how I’d never known anyone that played the guitar. And then we’d all make a voyage to IHOP in our matching PJ pants (and I’d wear that Abercrombie hat that you got me that I thought was the biz-omb and which I STILL wear) and we’d annoy the entire wait staff with our overzealous laughter at… everything. So many of those memories try to fade away, but gosh- there are sometimes when I NEED to remember those days- those moments. To remember that life is best when we are frivilous, giggly, carefree (relatively), focused on fun and laughter. Don’t get too serious with yourself and that girl you’re trying to find within… trust me, that girl is hysterical, and a great friend, and she wants to make other people laugh because she loves to laugh and she loves to see people happy, and well, I think that although she was serious and deep, she was also just as fun and crazy. Get in touch with both sides of her! And more importantly stay in touch with ME cause I still need a little bit of Heater-girl in my life, too.
And by no means do I think you should change your blog stuff- for what is life if it isn’t ‘one meal at a time’…. either eating a bitter meal and then having to wait for something more delectable (ok, no clue how to spell that one) or weeks of scrumptious life, or months of ‘ick, who made this?’… I still think it’s perfect and plus, I like food.
You can look at my big ol bootie and tell that!